Panda Promise

Apologies.

2010-03-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

I'll begin updating soon again.

Sorry for your inconvenience; it's been difficult to do anything lately.

Bright Nights.

2010-02-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

Photograph belongs to stickyredhead@deviantART

Whatever you do, do it at night and the romantic factor will probably be intensified tenfold. I can say this from personal experience. The intimacy that you would have together at night is because of you both having a bit more privacy. Since there isn't much light to shine on you, the nasty things you'd both try to do discretely in public can be done easier. You two can feel more alone, and with that, a lot more magic can happen.

Stargazing
Any girl's dream would be to go stargazing with her man. You can do this almost anywhere, but the best places are when you can be alone. Bring a light and warm blanket with you. Make sure it's big enough for the both of you when you're close and huddled together. You can be on top of a roof or laying down in the middle of an open field[as above]. You can spend this time talking about anything, even the things you see in the stars.

Light Up Her World
Do you live in a house? Or do you live in an apartment? Wherever you are, this idea is good for some needed intimacy. If you have a backyard or a balcony, it helps with the scenery. It's best when outside, but you can do it in your home or on the porch too. Light tiki torches all around the place to create a completely romantic atmosphere.

TIP: If you can't get a hold of tiki torches, you can use tealight candles you can get for an easy 15¢ per candle at almost any dollar or convenience store.

Take A Walk
Literally. Take a walk at night. Of course, take a walk in a safe place where it's decently lit by lights. But, seriously, take a nice walk in the park at night or if you're in a place with many historical figures, it's fun to look at them after dark since they usually have spotlights. Go to water fountains, statues, monuments, or, as I said before, the local park. Gazebos are always a fun place to .. well, have fun at parks.

Phones.

2010-02-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

Photograph belongs to tomatokisses@deviantART

Even though we're all not particularly sure who invented the telephone, we do know what it was invented for! It was invented for talking to people over long distances without shouting to the heavens and ruining your vocal cords. Nowadays, pretty much everyone has a home phone and/or a cell phone. Let's put it to some fun use, shall we?

The Voicemail
Obviously, if you live with your girl, you should be part of the voicemail, but is she? When people hear your voicemail, do they hear both your voices talking? If you want the world to know that you're dating and in love with your girlfriend, then have her be apart of it. Collaborate when making the voicemail. The best way to do this is to take turns talking.

But, unfortunately, what if you don't live with her? What if you are still in high school or what if you're in different colleges? If you have a cell phone, this can be done as well. You can both do each other's cell phones. Remember to not make it too long, but long enough that she will want to go, "Aw.." every time she hears it!

Say cheese!
When you open up your phone or unlock it, it has a picture in the background. Everyone knows this by now, and so does your girl. Take a picture of her, with or without you, and keep it as your wallpaper. It'll drive your girl mad if it's a sweet picture instead of a sexy picture.

Sex is fun, but she wants to remember you as someone to keep around instead of someone to kick out before the alarm turns on. You're a relationship, not a one-night stand that keeps coming back for more than one night.

Your Phone Says "Hello"
When she's not looking or unable to notice for a rather long period of time, steal her phone. Almost every phone has this one setting where you edit the "Greeting Message" for the phone. What that means is when you turn on your phone, it'll say a short message while it's turning on. I hope you know where I'm going with this now.

Steal her phone, then leave a simple heart-warming, tear-jerking message. Oh, and stating that you did it, so she'll know it was you. She'll be all over you in no time, I mean, I would.

Smile for me, gorgeous. :) - Jake<3

Friendly Food.

2010-02-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that your day just wasn't going well? Have you ever felt so icky and mucky, that you just want to go to bed and just sink and fall asleep? Have you ever felt that way, and once you had a nice bowl of stew, or soup, or noodles, or whatever it is that you love, you felt re-energized and ready to get back in the game with a smile? Everyone loves that moment when you moan a quick "Mmm.." under your breath.

Cook With Her
Are you a good cook? Is your partner the good cook? Are both of you pathetic when it comes to cooking? Guess what? It doesn't matter! Just look up recipes online or look through simple cookbooks and cook together. Make some rice and beans or some homemade mac&cheese or lasagna. Anything, but cook together. Don't take the cooking too seriously. If you make a mistake or if the blender blows up, laugh about it! Be light-hearted and have FUN with it.

Eat Finger-Foods
Make simple foods and watch T.V. or a movie. Like broccoli and carrots with dip. Or chips and dip. Or popcorn. Maybe even grapes. Feed each other! Have food fights. Have food fights naked! Be creative, and remember, there's something extremely sensual about feeding your partner food with your fingers, especially if that food could be used other ways. Wink-wink.

Breakfast In Bed
There's something that turns a lot of girls on when guys bring in a tray with her favorite food(s) and a thin vase with a flower in it. If a guy woke me up with the smell of homemade hash browns and bacon and pancakes with syrup, I'd finish it quickly then screw him square on the breakfast table.

Pictures.

2010-02-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

Photograph belongs to klamczucha@deviantART

Everyone knows that a picture is worth a thousand words! When she sees your picture, make those words mean something.

Polaroid
Have you ever used a Polaroid camera before? It makes you want to take endless amounts of pictures! They pop out instantly, and within seconds the picture you just took appears! If you have a Polaroid, it's a good idea to use this to your advantage.

Take a picture of yourself with a funny face. Then take many pictures with different faces. Leave them lying around her place[room, home, locker, etc.] with little messages written on the white strips at the bottom of the photos.

"I love when you smile this big."

That's a good example if you're grinning ear to ear or laughing in the picture.

Immortalize Her
Have her beauty remembered 'til the end of time. This trick can be for either skilled artists or amateurs. Draw a picture of her. Paint a picture of her. Sculpt her out of clay or marble. Do SOMETHING. Even if you can't spend a ton of time on her, having little sketches of her all over a piece of paper would do just fine.

You don't have to be amazing, just be true with your inner creative artiste. Try, and show that you put in effort. She'll love that you tried anyway. Just trust me on it.

Lovesick.

2010-02-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

When someone is sick, especially a female, her body is weak, and so is her mind. The defense system of a woman goes haywire, so she can get really whiny. She can turn into a complete bitch and be irritated easily. But, if you use this defenselessness to your advantage, you can make her the happiest, most grateful, and loving girlfriend in the world. Here are some ideas to melt her back to health.

Wake Her Up
When one is sick, one tends to want to sleep. A lot. A person would usually be extremely tired and never want to wake up. They are in pain and just feels so icky.

But, if you are awakened by the one person that makes you smile, it brightens your day-- just so much.

Sneak into the room that she is sleeping in, and just lay down next to her. Wrap your arms around her. You can be facing her, or spooning her. If she's the kind to be annoyed when woken up, just say something adorable to get her happy again.

"Oh, sorry. I thought you sleeping here was an invitation for me to share your dreams."

Corny. Very corny. But, corny equals good. Especially if you want to make her melt in your arms.

Hand-Mail Her a Get-Well Card
Catchy, short, and lovable is the way to go! She'll remember it easier, and it'll stick forever better. Show her you care about her well-being, that you enjoy her presence and that you miss her. Also! Throw in X's and O's. Tried and true trick. Maybe dot her name with a heart? Don't go overboard, but do show some form of affection on the card.

Get On T.V.
No, I don't mean literally-- but if you can, then go ahead!

What I do mean is, record a short video. Record yourself saying or doing something that'll cheer her up, make her laugh or smile, or fall asleep with you in her dreams. Sing a song. Try a dance. Or just talk about how much you miss her.

Thirty seconds to a minute in length is about good[if it's a song, the original length is fine as well]. Now remember, if you're a bad singer, or a bad dancer, it's OK. Why? Because if you mess up and include the bloopers[or if the whole video is a blooper], it'll make her smile and laugh at how cute you look. You tried, and that's what counts.

This trick is good for those that have long distance relationships. But if you just wanted to give your wife or girlfriend a day off from work, this is for you! Call her in sick. Turn off her alarm clock, and leave a note telling her about what you did. Also, give her instructions on how to see the video you made for her. Let her enjoy her day! She'll be glad to give you a happy ending for both of you.

TIP: Now, don't be stupid and use these exact words. Be creative. The more sappy, the more her cheeks will rise up- pulling the corners of her lips into a bright smile. Girls, honestly, love corny and daring. When put together, you show her that you're willing to reach the ends of the earth to make her happy.

Love Letter.

2010-02-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

Write A Love Letter

Yes, it might sound cliche and corny, but women love, love, love! love letters. But remember to not have all of the letter be serious. Have something cute or embarrassing. Throw something funny in as well! Lighten up the mood, but still have true and pure emotions in between your words. Do not be scared to just throw your thoughts onto the page-- as long as they can be considered respectful.

"I love when you dress like a gentleman. I love when you wear nothing at all."

It's sexy humor, with a splash of love.

Plus, don't make it bland. Try different styles of writing. Poetry can do just as good. Trust me, you'll melt even the most hard-core badasses with a hand written poem-- if you write it right!

And, please, don't fret if you're not a good writer. If you worry, it will make it even harder. Once your fingertips touch that pencil (or keyboard), just let the words flow. Just let all your feelings pour out. Even if it's as simple as, "I love you when you smile in your sleep." It's wonderful to hear intricate and well-thought out, 5-star writing, but it's even better if you write something from the heart, complicated or not.

But always remember, don't lie or make things up in your letter. Be sincere and true, even if you use the humor. Lying about your feelings to gain something will actually gain you nothing but distrust and disrespect.

Midnight: Beginning a new day.

2010-02-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

It is 12:00 AM exactly as I start this blog post.

I have dated plenty of guys, and many of them fall flat on how to 'woo' a girl. So I thought, why not receive tips and tricks from a girl herself?

I am bisexual, so I know what it's like to want to get into a girl's pants. A part of my brain acts like the 14-year-old horny teenage boy, and that boy wants to get laid. Throughout a man's life, he's always going to want sex-- no matter what. If not always, then very, very often. So, if you want to get laid quick, then reading this blog might be for you.

On the other hand, I also know what it's like to want a guy to make me feel like I'm his world. I, personally, love many, many things other girls enjoy. For those guys out there that actually want a girl for his heart, instead of the other throbbing organ[between his legs], then reading this blog might be for you as well.

Remember, I am not a carbon-copy of every female out there. Some things might work, some things might not. Some things might seem creepy or stalker-ish to her, some things might seem like a dream come true for her.

Honestly? I don't know! Get to know your girl first before you try out what you read on here. But then again, if you are just trying to pick up a hot chick at a bar, then what have you got to lose? Just wing it and see if it works!

Hopefully, I can update at least eight times every nineteen days.

Let's find out how long this goes on. Good luck to me.
Oh, and to you as well, my fellow blue-balled men.